Self-harm is your way of dealing with unpleasant feelings and difficult situations. The help and support of a trained professional can help you work to overcome the cutting or self-harming habit, so consider talking to a therapist.
A therapist can help you develop new coping techniques and strategies to stop self-harming, while also helping you get to the root of why you hurt yourself. It exists in real life. There is often a connection between self-harm and childhood trauma. Finding the right therapist may take some time. But the quality of the relationship with your therapist is equally important.
Trust your instincts. Your therapist should be someone who accepts self-harm without condoning it, and who is willing to help you work toward stopping it at your own pace. You should feel at ease, even while talking through your most personal issues. While cutting and self-harming occurs most frequently in adolescents and young adults, it can happen at any age.
Because clothing can hide physical injuries, and inner turmoil can be covered up by a seemingly calm disposition, self-injury in a friend or family member can be hard to detect.
However, there are red flags you can look for:. Unexplained wounds or scars from cuts, bruises, or burns, usually on the wrists, arms, thighs, or chest. Covering up. A person who self-injures may insist on wearing long sleeves or long pants, even in hot weather. Needing to be alone for long periods of time, especially in the bedroom or bathroom. Isolation and irritability.
This can cause them to withdraw and isolate themselves. Fact: The painful truth is that people who self-harm generally hurt themselves in secret. In fact, shame and fear can make it very difficult to come forward and ask for help. Fact: It is true that many people who self-harm suffer from anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or a previous trauma—just like millions of others in the general population.
Self-injury is how they cope. Fact: When people self-harm, they are usually not trying to kill themselves—they are trying to cope with their problems and pain. In fact, self-injury may be a way of helping themselves go on living.
Whatever the case, you may be feeling unsure of yourself. What should you say? How can you help? Deal with your own feelings. You may feel shocked, confused, or even disgusted by self-harming behaviors—and guilty about admitting these feelings. Acknowledging your feelings is an important first step toward helping your loved one. Learn about the problem. The best way to overcome any discomfort or distaste you feel about self-harm is by learning about it. Understanding why your loved one is self-injuring can help you see the world through their eyes.
Remember, the self-harming person already feels distressed, ashamed and alone. Offer support, not ultimatums. Encourage communication. If the self-harmer is a family member, prepare yourself to address difficulties in the family. This is not about blame, but rather about communicating and dealing with problems in better ways that can benefit the whole family.
Authors: Melinda Smith, M. Whitlock, J. Aragam recommends things like destroying pieces of paper, punching a soft object like a pillow or clay , or loudly banging pots and pans.
You might also find it helpful to channel your emotions into something creative, like art or music. Deep breathing not only has multiple physical benefits like engaging your parasympathetic nervous system to help you relax physically , but it can also calm you down mentally. Taking even a few seconds to slow down and take some deep breaths can have a crucial impact and help you focus a little more on the powerful emotions you may be experiencing, according to Dr.
She also recommends deep breathing and guided meditation as a long-term practice to make it more helpful in the moment. For beginners, Dr. Vasan suggests downloading Calm and Headspace and trying the free versions of both for at least a week. The more you practice, the more easily you can rely on these tools when you really need them.
Try writing down what self-harm activity you want to engage in instead of acting on it. Or express your deepest, innermost thoughts to get them out of your head and onto the page. You can even just draw, scribble, or write down emotive words instead of bothering with full sentences. If it helps, rip up your paper after writing down your struggles. On the other hand, you might find it more helpful to write down things that help you feel the opposite of what you are feeling.
What makes you happy? What makes you joyful? Hoffman recommends keeping a gratitude journal to center you in moments of distress, whether by adding to it or reading previous entries. Calm Harm is a popular option because of its wide variety of prompts and ideas based on what you need when the urge to self-harm arises, such as comfort or distraction.
Similarly, Self-Heal prompts you with alternate activities like writing on yourself with a red marker instead of hurting yourself. My Shiny Thing , on the other hand, provides distractions like funny, cute, or exciting videos based on how you rate your current distress.
You might even be able to find help on sites and apps you already use every day. For example, last year Pinterest launched a new product developed with Stanford Brainstorm that directs users who search for self-injury terms to coping exercises that will help them alleviate some of their struggles. When you have the idea to self-injure, start by trying the ideas on those lists — such as making art, walking your dog, or going for run.
These substitute behaviors won't work for everyone. They also don't help people get in touch with why they are cutting. What they do is provide immediate relief in a way that doesn't involve cutting, and therefore holds less risk of harm. If you want help overcoming a self-injury habit and you're having trouble finding anything that works for you, talk with a therapist.
Getting professional help to overcome the problem doesn't mean that someone is weak or crazy. Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's problems in a healthy way. Larger text size Large text size Regular text size. Resisting the Urge to Cut If you've been cutting and you want to stop, here are some approaches that might help you.
Here are some things you can try while waiting for a cutting urge to pass: call a friend and talk about something completely different take a shower make sure you don't have razors in the shower go for a walk or run, take a bike ride, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise play with a pet watch TV change the channel if the show gets upsetting or features cutting drink a glass of water Things to Soothe and Calm You Sometimes people cut because they're agitated or angry — even though they may not recognize that feeling.
Even if you're not sure why you're cutting, it's worth giving these ideas a try: play with a pet take a shower make sure you don't have razors in the shower take a bath make sure you don't have razors near the tub listen to soothing music that will shift your mood try a breathing exercise try some relaxing yoga exercises Page Three Things to Help You Express the Pain and Deep Emotion Some people cut because the emotions that they feel seem way too powerful and painful to handle.
Here are some alternatives to cutting that you can try: draw or scribble designs on paper using a red pen or paint on white paper — if it helps, make the paint drip write out your hurt, anger, or pain using a pen and paper draw the pain compose songs or poetry to express what you're feeling listen to music that talks about how you feel Things to Help Release Physical Tension and Distress Sometimes, doing things that express anger or release tension can help a person gradually move away from cutting.
Try these ideas: go for a walk or run, ride a bike, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise rip up some paper write out your hurt, anger, or pain using a pen and paper scribble on paper using a red pen squeeze, knead, or smoosh a stress ball, handful of clay, or Play-Doh Things to Help You Feel Supported and Connected If you cut because you feel alone, misunderstood, unloved, or disconnected, these ideas may help: call a friend play with a pet make a cup of tea, some warm milk, or cocoa try some yoga exercises that help you feel grounded, such as triangle pose try a breathing exercise like the one in the button above curl up on your bed in a soft, cozy blanket Substitutes for the Cutting Sensation You'll notice that all the tips in the lists above have nothing to do with the cutting sensation.
If they don't help, move on to the substitute behaviors shown below. But it is possible.
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